Spiders. Thera-flu. Hallucinations likely.

Before I begin, let me just state that I am coasting on thera-flu right now, so you might want to just not read this if you don't want to hear me babble about my paralyzing fear of spiders..

Spiders. Yeesh.
I had to search wikipedia to provide you with a general visual and scientific names and such of today's topic: cellar-spiders.

My Dear Housemate and I were talking, and I turned on the bedside lamp to read. Inside of the lampshade was one of these spiders. Just like in Arachnophobia. I saw that movie when I was... young, and frankly I still check every lamp most of the time. At my parent's house and at the house I'm at now, I have suspect lamps that I check more often for spiders, but anyway.

I told my friend that there was a spider in the lamp, and he walked across the room.
"Huh," he said. "Yup."

Later on, I insisted he kill the spider. Or relocate it. Just get it out of my lamp! But he asked why I couldn't do it myself. It wasn't hurting me in the lamp, he said. And I squash ants all the time, come on, I can handle a spider.
No. Ants don't even see you coming. Spiders know! They have eight eyes. And fangs. And two more legs than ants, so they are faster. I probably didn't say all of this out loud, but it was deeply embedded in my squash first, ask questions later reasoning. Also, I didn't want to burn myself on the lightbulb.
And finally, I played the gender card. It was his duty to kill the spider, he's the man. I played this a lot in college with my manly housemates as well. It worked, sometimes.

I guess the cellar-spider thought this was sexist or something, because after the argument was over and it seemed like I won (he was going to put it out on the porch), the spider was nowhere to be found. Just packed up and moved the entire house! No web, even!

What a wasted victory.

1 comment:

Larissa Viall said...

madam. we could never live together. the two of us would just run around screaming and jumping up on countertops, running in fear from our arachnemeses. little bastards. this is why i own a cat. she hunts them down like the pieces of shit that they are. and does she kill them? no! she rips their legs off! thats right....TORTURE. i'm all for it.

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